Guilty Promises
by Vasooki
Summary: Lelouch beings to hallucinate and sees dead comrades and classmates. Suzaku attempts to comfort him and everything changes on the day before his assasination. Rated M for future gore, self injure and attempted suicide. Not yaoi.
1. Shirley and a Dagger

Divine was the only word fit to describe the private chambers in which the emperor of Britannia resided. High, arched ceilings, adorned with murals that whispered the stories of Britannia's glory, reached high, forming a rotunda. Small glass panels connected to form long floor to ceiling windows that gave a view to the wide rolling hills that lay just outside the palace. Their stained tops proclaimed symbols important to Lelouch; Ashford's emblem, Geass, the Knights of the Round, even the Black Knights' symbol stood glorified, bathing the room in its golden life alongside the others. In the center of the circular room resided a bed that reached almost half the height of the room. An ivory hued canopy stood tented, high above the ornate mattress on thin, delicate, golden poles. The bed was made up neatly, a spread of white trimmed on the edge with gold, and in the center of the bed laid the insignia of Britannia, in a monochrome, pale gold.

The floor was made up of simple white tiles that extended their reach even outside the private quarters that when stepped on echoed a ghostly emptiness through the room. A reflection of its only resident. Across from the bed a huge wardrobe stood proudly, half the height of the room. Its capacity was astonishing, although it remained unused, save for one garment of purple, gold, and black; Zero's guise. In the wall directly across from the entrance to the room, a balcony jutted outside into the peaceful spring air one of the few places left where songbirds still weaved their enchanting music, still able to be heard over the roar of war. Oval in shape, it held just enough room for two individuals to fit comfortably. This simple balcony faced the sun and at just the right time each day, a light breeze rushed its cool fingers over the white marble, twisting in and out of the cylindrical supports of the railing.

On this peaceful alcove a boy of slender stature, pale as the white robes he was wearing basked peacefully in the warm sunshine. White and gold spilled over his shoulders down to his feet in a constant theme, disrupted only by red gems set in navy, eyes which told his enemies he was not a force to be reckoned with, serving the same function as the eyes on a peacock's tail. His glossy, raven-black hair was tousled by the wind as he stared off in the distance. His head rested in his hand, long fingers cupping his face, and as he recalled fond memories of the past, a pained grin took hold of his soft features. He possessed an aristocratic air about him; lived up to his name as emperor of the all commanding Holy Empire of Britannia.

This tranquility was found only on this balcony, Lelouch's favorite place to stand and think. He knew however that this peace was only momentary, and soon he would need to return to the hate he had brought upon himself. This constant loathing from his own people was for the good of the world, but as Lelouch was only human, it hurt him, slowly drove his own compassion out of him, leaving him as a cold empty shell; moving through the motions of life, but yet at the same time, not really living.

Lelouch's thoughts were interrupted by the hiss of the automatic door behind him. The familiar click of his boots on the polished marble told him that the only person he felt he could trust, the only person he felt truly alive with had walked through the doors; his knight, Suzaku Kururugi. Lelouch turned to take in the sight before him. His extremely observant nature allowed him to see in a few seconds what most people needed a few minutes to take in, noting every detail.

His purple eyes ran up and down the proud knight, feeling up everything they could get their hands on. They smoothed over his chocolate, unruly hair, admiring the way the hood of his cape accented the shine of it. They rested their hungry fingers for just a moment on the pure white and blue fabric painted upon his broad shoulders and the flat plane of his chest. Running down his body they ran along his toned abdomen, and long, powerful legs. Even though each of these features were worth pause, the thing they lingered on the most were his forest green eyes, and the mysterious sparkle they possessed; almost like a pair of emeralds shining gently in the sun, radiating beauty. Lelouch was genuinely pleased by what he saw, but did he best not to show the brunt of it, burying his emotions under his carefully crafted mask, although some still shone through, and Suzaku noticed.

Nodding his head in reply to Lelouch's slightly pleased gaze, Suzaku strode over to join him, leaning against the railing, his long arms folded gracefully across his chest, staring off into the distance, finding it just as entrancing as his superior did. A long moment passed where neither party uttered a single word; they didn't need to. Each understood the others feelings and intentions. Lelouch understood that Suzaku had nothing pressing he needed to brief the emperor on; Suzaku understood that Lelouch was out here just to get a break from the world.

"Lelouch," Suzaku shattered the peace on the balcony with the topic that had plagued both boy's minds for quite a while. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? The Zero Requiem I mean…" Suzaku looked away from the soft meadows attempting to catch the amethyst eyes of his emperor. His inky hair blew softly in the wind, as the wind ran her pleasant warm fingers through it.

At the mention of the Zero Requiem Lelouch's grip on the banister tightened keeping his eyes on the meadows. He paused for a moment before speaking, choosing his words carefully. So as not to hint to the only thing he could never tell Suzaku, Lelouch spoke in a powerful, commanding, formal voice, "Yes, Suzaku, I'm entirely sure. I know it may be hard for you to understand, but this, truly is the only way to achieve my goal." He turned to face Suzaku, staring into his unyielding emerald eyes. Suzaku's worried expression unintentionally caused him to speak in a softer gentler tone. "As my knight, I ask you to serve me, until the very end. Did you not pledge your utmost loyalty to me; that you would obey my every command?"

"But Lelouch…" Suzaku's eyes were coated with a film of tears, as he returned his gaze to the meadows; looking at Lelouch was too painful. "I don't know if I can bring down my friend of so many years with my own hand; we've been through so much. I took you in to save you, and now you're asking me to... to…" Suzaku choked back tears, running his hand through his hair to compose himself. A long moment passed, and Suzaku found that with each second, he was getting closer to breaking down.

"Lelouch, I'm sorry, I can't stay here… It's too much…" were Suzaku's final words before leaving the balcony in a rush. He scurried out of the private chamber heading down the hall, his cape whipping behind him, a flag blowing in gale force winds.

With the Knight of Zero gone, Lelouch was once alone on his balcony, accompanied only by his own thoughts. Once again, his hand cradled his soft face, and without realizing it, a warm smile crept across his features, instead of being tinged with a hint of guilt.

"_We've been through so much…"_

"Yes Suzaku we have…" Lelouch muttered to himself. "Being at each other's throats, aiming our guns at each other…" Lelouch let out a chuckle at the irony of the situation.

_Suzaku, if only I could tell you the truth… It would ease your pain, which is something I can't stand to see you burdened with. Even so, I can't afford to let anyone know, so for now the impossible weight of your task remains on your shoulders. I'm sorry I've been forced to curse you with so much already. I swear I will ask no more of you Suzaku._

Lelouch let out a heavy sigh, frustrated that even the peace on the balcony had been shattered. He walked back into his quarters, and paused, debating on what he should do. He ultimately decided on wandering down to his imperial gardens. Quite hurriedly he pushed his was through servants and other individuals asking him a myriad of other questions. He had made it almost to the door when, through the frosted glass he spotted the figure of a woman standing with her arms folded across her chest, staring into the sun.

"Sh-shirley?" Lelouch threw the doors open, and was greeted by his familiar red-haired classmate. She was surrounded on all sides by tall rose hedges, butterflies flitting about in the gleaming sun. Occasionally a bird flew by and landed on a nearby marble bench. Lelouch was bewildered by the sight of his dead friend standing in the middle of an unfamiliar part of the gardens that he himself had personally drew the plans for.

"It's good to see you again, Lelouch. " Her voice sounded like a hollow empty version of its former self. All the color was gone from her face, and her emerald eyes were dull.

"Shirley? That can't be you… you died in my arms! I FELT YOUR HEART STOP!" Lelouch's bewilderment slowly turned to anger. "Whoever you are, stop acting like you're her! You have no right to go parading around as Shirley! You aren't her!"

"Lelouch it is me. I'm here because of you. You _let_ me die Lelouch. You could have killed Rolo when you had that chance. You shouldn't have trusted him, and look where it got me. You killed my father. You killed _me_." She turned around and her eyes met his. Her eyes contradicted themselves, filled with hate and sadness at the same time.

"No Shirley! I didn't do it! It was Zero, not me!" Lelouch's eyes had gone wild, spooked like a horse. He pleaded Shirley to understand but to no avail. His entire argument was shattered with one sentence from his beloved former classmate.

"You are Zero." Shirley's doe eyes narrowed, filled with hatred unbecoming of her personality. "Don't try to lie to me anymore! I loved you once. You were the world to me! Then my father died! Then _I_ died, Lelouch. I can never forgive you for that." As she turned around to face him fully, she slipped a dagger from her sleeve.

Shirley ran at him with all the skill of a trained assassin. She slashed at him, moving so fast her hand was invisible. Red streaks appeared everywhere on Lelouch's body, yet he didn't fight back. Still, Shirley showed no restraint, and gave it all she had. Pushing him up against the wall she raised her arm and prepared to strike, like a rattle-snake ready to bite its victim.

"This is for my father." Were the final words Shirley whispered before dealing the final blow, Lelouch's body crumpled to the ground, and watched Shirley vanish through blurry eyes.


	2. A Machine Gun and a Kiss

"Suzaku, Suzaku! Come quickly!" Suzaku was greeted by a flustered maid running at him, tears of fear streaming down her reddening face. Suzaku quickly grabbed his cape, and hung it over his shoulder, and hurriedly chased after the maid.

"Master Lelouch… I found him! He's… He's…" Between the running and her shock she couldn't clearly convey to Suzaku what was wrong.

"Wait, you what?" Suzaku's question was quickly answered when he found the emperor on the ground unconscious in his private garden. It was an eerie sight, the sun shining brightly above, the birds chirping and the sheer beauty of the Imperial Gardens, disrupted by the horror of the unconscious emperor's body thrust into the middle of the otherwise picturesque scene.

"Lelouch, what did you get yourself into now?" Suzaku asked the sleeping body, as a single tear rolled down his cheek and landed on Lelouch's closed eye. "I wish you would tell me these things, Lelouch. I've been here for you since the start, but yet you remain closed, determined to do things by yourself, and you get yourself in all kinds of trouble… Why do you think I became the 'Knight of Zero', even though I knew the rest of the Knights of the Round turned and sided with the resistance? We've been friends for far too long Lelouch… So long."

Suzaku bent down slowly, and ever so gently pressed his lips against Lelouch's. "Don't do this to me, Lelouch."

Lelouch woke slowly, barely being able to muster the energy to open his eyes. He blinked hard several times and tried to focus his vision, which had all of a sudden become a grueling task. After what seemed like several minutes he finally was able to make out the white canopy above him, and he realized he must me laying in his own bed. He turned his head to the right and saw a figure clad in navy blue. Somewhere in the back of his mind it registered as Suzaku, but it didn't seem immediately important to him at the moment. He turned his head to his left and saw a figure in a torn up, bloodstained dress with long pink curls falling just below her waist. Seeing her triggered his most recent memories.

_"You let me die Lelouch. You could have killed Rolo when you had that chance. You shouldn't have trusted him, and look where it got me. You killed my father. You killed me."_

_ Slowly she turned her head around, her eyes full of hatred, sadness and regret, yet at the same time remained devoid of emotion. All those things were so unbecoming of her forest green eyes that usually contained such happiness._

_ "You don't understand! That was Zero, not me Shirley." Lelouch didn't understand why he kept this charade up; if she was accusing him of her father's death she must have known his secret. But now, he had told the same lie for so long, it almost seemed like reality._

_ "You are Zero." She took a step closer, he tone suddenly turned threatening. "Don't try to lie to me anymore! I loved you once. You were the world to me! Then my father died! Then I died, Lelouch. I can never forgive you for that." She slipped a dagger from her sleeve._

_ "This is for my father." Red streaks appeared all over Lelouch's body, and then his mind went blank, and his vision dark._

He moved his head as much as he could, but couldn't find any traces of the injuries that Shirley had imparted him. He couldn't even feel any bandages on his skin. It was as if… they had never even happened. Now, laying there, slightly more aware of his surroundings, he took a second look at the woman to his left. Instantly, he recognized the woman as his late half-sister, Euphemia li Britannia.

"Eu-Euphy? Is that you? It can't be you…" Lelouch mumbled, not very clearly.

Although Suzaku had been at his beside since he found Lelouch in the gardens, he had been sitting in a chair facing away from the bed, and as a result hadn't noticed when he awoke. More recently he had drifted off into a light sleep; worrying about his emperor was draining.

Lelouch rolled as best he could onto his side to face Euphemia. His voice was dry and hoarse, but still he called out her name one last time and she made eye contact. Much like Shirley, her eyes were vacant, but yet still full of emotion; hatred, regret, anger. He dress was torn and bloodied, and she held the same machine gun she had the day that she caused one of the most traumatic days for Area 11 since the day they were taken over by Britannia

"Lelouch… brother… Zero." Her voice was hollow, and rang out with a chorus of sadness. "Why do _you_ think you can save the world? It's your fault… All your fault."

Lelouch was stunned, his expression akin to that of a spooked horse. "What was my fault?" She remained silent. "WHAT WAS MY FAULT?" This harsh scream woke Suzaku up from his light scream. He immediately ran to his emperor's side, and tried to figure out what was wrong.

"Lelouch! Lelouch! What's the matter, what's gotten into you?" He shook him, but Lelouch's eyes remained focused on the former sub-viceroy.

"You know Lelouch." She slowly raised her gun. It was an awkward motion; it looked too heavy for her to even pick up. "That massacre of the Japanese. That was all your fault. You killed me with your own hands to cover up _your_ mistake. What makes you think you can save this country now? When you had a hand in bringing it down." She aimed the gun, and made to pull the trigger.

"No! Euphemia! Don't do this!" Lelouch had completely gone mad, flailing his arms, reaching for a gun that wasn't there. Suzaku tried to restrain him, but nothing worked. Lelouch kept screaming, despite Suzaku trying to comfort him.

"Lelouch! Please tell me what's wrong! You can't do this! I can help you!" Suzaku climbed up on the bed and sat on top of Lelouch. Still, nothing worked, so Suzaku tried what he had deemed insane. He grabbed Lelouch's face, looked him straight in the eyes, and kissed him.

**AN: Meh, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. : I'm not sure… I had the scene pictured perfectly in my head, but it was difficult to write it.**


	3. A Witch and Apathy

**AN: Well readers, if you had thought that I had abandoned this fic, fear not! I've just been working on other things, but I just decided it's about time for me to pick this one up too. :P So, enjoy.**

_Euphemia slowly lifted the gun, too big for her fragile frame. She seemed to have issues even holding the bloodstained weapon. A single tear fell down her face, the only trace of emotion on her ghostly white face._

_ "This is for all the Japanese people who died because of you, Lelouch," Euphemia whispered almost inaudibly. "Innocent people Lelouch…" She pulled the trigger, the deafening roar of the gun drowning out the equally powerful sentence before it._

Lelouch tried to run, made all the effort he could to _get out of that room_, but something held him back. He tried to scream, but felt soft lips against his. Once Suzaku attained eye contact from his ruler, he backed off; he remained on top of him, afraid Lelouch would plunge back into his fit again.

Instead of saying anything, Lelouch propped himself up on his pillows, and clutched his chest where his wounds should have been, and tears began to fall. His features, formerly aristocratic and dignified now shed their mask and showed the pained, confused reality that was Lelouch. His jet black hair covered his tear stained face, and gave Suzaku a glimpse of the old Lelouch; the one that he rescued in the aftermath of the war on Area 11. Suzaku leaned forward and brushed Lelouch's hair out of his eyes.

A loud smack echoed through his highnesses' bedchamber as Lelouch rejected Suzaku's action. Suzaku, ever eager to please his master, was taken aback by this. He calmly removed himself from the bed and reclaimed his position at the bedside chair.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lelouch asked sternly of his knight. He quickly reconstructed his mask, leaving no trace of the weakness that had been there but a moment before. "You're my knight. You exist to protect me, and nothing else. When I need emotional counseling, I will call from it. You may leave now." Lelouch's words were harsh and cold, falling into line with his persona of an evil overlord of the despised empire of Britannia.

Suzaku didn't move, remaining pinned to his place in the gold wire frame chair. "You expect me to accept that Lelouch?" Suzaku could hold back his emotions no longer. "I found you unconscious in the gardens, and then I hear you screaming at Euphemia? She's dead Lelouch! No one was there?" He began to cool down, a steady stream of tears running down his face and onto his lap. "What's going on Lelouch? What is it that you're not telling me? I'm more than just you're knight I'm your friend as well."

"If you're my friend explain what that was before." Lelouch remained cold and uncaring, as emotional as snow. "Friends kiss friends just as often as loyal knights slay their masters."

Suzaku's eyes opened wide at Lelouch's harshness, fully prepared to argue, if just for a second before reconsidering his choice. "I'm sorry, Emperor Lelouch. My judgment was flawed; my only motive was to calm you down." With those final words Suzaku collected himself and left the room, leaving behind only the echo of his boots colliding with marble.

Suzaku had only just left when another visitor entered the Emperor's private chamber. A figure dressed in an all white; the prison uniform of Britannia. Her curves and large breasts were accentuated by the close fit of the material, and the loose black belts which fell at key points to draw attention to her voluptuous form. A high collar rose to just under her chin, and the sleeves and legs were excessively billowy that swished when she walked. Her high heeled boots clicked out a higher pitch than the Emperor's knight. Her long hair, the pigment of grass in the middle of summer, flowed around her as water does to a rock in the middle of a creek.

"C.C., you always have impeccable timing." Lelouch, in an attempt to sound powerful and commanding succeeded only in sounding sentimental and depressed; he had no way of leading her on. She was immune to his Geass, and her superior life experience allowed her to predict nearly every action that Lelouch might make.

"Lelouch, what exactly do you intend to do once this is all said and done?" C.C. had a habit of getting right to the point. "You know very well that Suzaku has loved you for some time; whether or not you return his feelings, is of no concern to me."

"I stand with you on the subject. He can love me until his heart breaks free from the cage of his chest; the price I have paid for my Geass is the loss of the ability to love." Lelouch tried his best to steer the conversation in a different direction; away from his plans for the future.

"I understand that Lelouch. You now see eye to eye with me on the apathetic nature of living." She took a seat next to him on his bed. "You still have yet to answer my other question, Lelouch." Her words dripped with a subtle poison, and all the fierce grace of a lioness. Before she gained her answer, she stood up and walked out of the room.

"C.C…" Lelouch murmured as she disappeared from sight. He knew she had no reason to stay; he had no answer for her question. Once again, the once-mighty emperor was alone, fighting off sleep again. He was afraid to drift off, afraid to see those frighteningly realistic apparitions of murder's past. Eventually, however, sleep took claim on his heavy eyelids, forcing them shut, and his breathing even. What would dance before his mind's eye that night, would forever change his perspective on the world of consciousness, and his desire to remain there.

**AN: Okay, so bad ending to this chapter is bad. But I've finally decided to chance the description, as this is NO LONGER a yaoi. Maybe hints of Shounen-ai from Suzaku's side, but I really didn't want to ruin it with a lemon where I no longer feel it will fit. It might also drop in rating to T, only because my gore-writing skills might not be enough to retain the rating. But then again, I might get carried away, so I don't want to drop it just yet.**


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